I hit the wall again tonight. Hate to admit it, but there it is.
Hormones too low, expectations too high, fears rising. I can’t do this. I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Suddenly the whirlwind in my head becomes a tornado, and I have to get up.
I had gone to sleep ok, a welcome escape from the oppression I’d been fighting all day. But then a noise from my husband woke me and he jumped. Finally he woke up, welcome relief…he’s ok, but now I’m awake, and my mind takes off. I get up, because I know from long experience that there is only one thing to do. Run to Him, He’ll be there.
And of course, He is. I should have gotten up an hour before. Why do I allow the winds to gather?
So I pour out my heart, my fear, my inadequacy, and then I stop and listen, tell Him I need to hear His words, and He speaks. It is what I’ve heard before, but so personal, so warm, so full of support, so to the point. A client had shared a bit of Oprah’s story from her Lifeclass, so He said if He could help her with her stress, He could certainly help me. It is just what I need and I am ready to go sleep again.
But first I will share His perspective. It’s one He’s given me before. It was shocking then, now reaffirming. He said I had a lot of beings cheering for me, a whole support system of followers out there. “Think more about that and less about your ability,” He said. “Lean on Me more. Gratitude, praise, trust, depend. Be so glad you have the habit of meeting with Me.”
I am, Lord, I am. Thanks.