In a flash of insight I saw the irony of this thing we are all trying to heal. We all have it to a greater or lesser degree, this need to belong, to be loved.
We run around looking for someone to love us, “Are you my missing piece?” (Silverstein) “Will you love me?” ” Can I merge into you?”
Even those of us who pretend not to be, the Narcissists–a growing contingent–are desperate for love.
Duh! We were made that way!
By a God who is so crazy about us, we might label it codependency. Except, He isn’t dependent on us loving Him.
Oh yes, He wants it, even longs for us, but does He need us as we need? No. Definitely not.
Part of this comes from our brokenness. It has heightened that original beautiful bond created in us–the ability to love and be loved.
It is now a desperate NEED.
It makes us needy, and we hate it when we recognize that it drives so much of our crazy actions–things we would never do if we saw our worth clearly and felt how much we are valued and loved. Things like putting up with abuse. Letting others think for us, make our decisions for us, trap us into servitude for love, money, or fear.
And fear, oh there’s a great motivator! All the ways we twist ourselves into knots of existence or NOT existence because we are afraid. And most of the time don’t even know that it’s fear driving us.
So PUT IT TO WORK.
Since we were created for relationship, and especially for relationship with God–embrace it! Love it. Use it. Accept it.
You need love. You really do, but don’t settle for some imitation. Some human version of trying to be good enough for someone.
Get rid of all the partials, the half-measures that trip you up and leave you hurting. Get it straight from the Source–that huge bubbling fountain of Love that never runs out, never is dry, never too tired, never unavailable, always wants you, always has open-arms, always welcoming, always available.
Codependency is our ticket to paradise.
I just said to someone, as I often do, “God is the only one who it’s safe to be codependent with because He won’t allow it. He insists we become us.”
God,”…that all-powerful love that can make itself loved” (Charles de Foucald), only needs your desire; no, less than that, your permission.
That is because He likes us. Really. Sometimes that is more important than being loved–it was for me. But He loves us too. More than we need. More than we can imagine. Enough to make us into our true selves.