I had been feeling sad that our relationship has “shifted and stretched,” sad that I didn’t get a Mothers’ Day card. But I was glad that the day, and the one before, was made special by many texts between my three kids and I because of my husband’s emergency surgery. (We were supposed to fly to North Carolina.) And then today I saw this–posted by my daughter on Mother’s Day–and I hadn’t even seen it. It is so beautiful it made me cry, and I had to share it.
I am because you are… Today has been hard for me. You were supposed to be here, and yes you’re right where you need to be right now and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But a little package of goat cheese brought tears to my eyes tonight as I noticed it there in the fridge. You are the one that reminds who I am so very often. The one whose love holds steady. Who has walked paths with me that made no sense but to Him, and you trusted me enough to go along. You trusted Him. …Our hearts can shift and stretch, and yet even when we can’t find that common ground anywhere else, we find it in Him. You remind me, when I forget, when these shoes of mine seem just way too big, that only I can fill them well. That surrender to His purpose and love makes them just right for just me. I have four little hearts of my own to guide now and yet sometimes I still feel as though I’m this tiny girl. Sometimes I can’t figure out how in the world I could be a grown up mama. Because really I’m still your little girl. You get me. You hear my heart and my constant thoughts and you get the wild depth of them. You have given me so many things. I am so much because of who you are. You are His. And you have lived in such a way, that even in your failures I have seen Him. Even in the struggles, I have watched you hold on to Him. You have let me suffer in the worst darkness and yet never shied away from my pain but pointed me back to Him. And in my wilderness, you have walked with me. You are not a perfect mother, but you are a Good one. You are because He is.
I miss you today. And most everyday. But somehow, in Him, we’re always close together.