I looked at the clock and it was 2 1/2 hours after I went to sleep! Lately it had been 3 hr. and 4 hr. nights with 9 and 7 in between. What is going on? I got up and spent some great time with God, and did try to go back to sleep but it didn’t happen.
It wasn’t until the next morning that it hit me–I am worried about failing. We are having house guests for a week and I’ve been excited, but suddenly realized I was also scared. We know them well, almost like our kids, and are honored they want to stay with us. They asked two years ago, and I knew it was because they are comfortable here. But being that close for that long tends to magnify weaknesses.
What if I don’t sleep and my energy drops and my attitude with it? What if irritation comes from something that is said off the cuff? What if…? And then I realized why I was waking up–I’m scared we will ruin our friendship! I mean your kids are your kids and will always be, that bond is strong, but friends…? It’s a risk!
But when I realized what I was dealing with, I could think about it, and admit the fear and make choices.
I love these kids and obviously they love us. We will do what we need to do–go on vacation too. We will relax and play and let them relax and be themselves. We’ll do what we do when our grandkids stay, clear schedules, play, and lower expectations or talk about them. Wow, that felt better. We will enjoy our time with them. We will celebrate friendship.
That was last week and I decided to wait till this week to finish it, and let you know all the good that happened. That was confident!
There was adjustment for sure. The first day they were later than I expected, but I used the time to relax and do things I wanted to. Once they got here and we started playing with the kids, it was great! (We are honorary grandparents.)
But I won’t lie, the house felt up-side-down; every surface in my kitchen was covered and some of the floor. Toys all over the living room. I had to remind myself that I had committed to relax and enjoy them. When they came they had given me opportunity to ask for more time or set boundaries. I said I thought I should have no expectations. I knew a lot of people wanted to see them. I meant it, but I did have to remind myself a few times.
Then it happened–they had so many plans, the dark side whispered we were just the motel, but I reminded myself that they had asked what we wanted and I had said “Friday night” for sure. But by Friday, I was loving it. I had been asking God for perspective help continually. And it helped that my friend expressed wanting to spend more time just hanging out with us, and I knew it was heartfelt. I wished it too, and voiced it, adding I didn’t want to be selfish. That helped also, as well as them including us with mutual friends on a couple of occasions.
Altogether, it was a great reconnection. It proves God can help you make difficult situations wonderful if you ask to focus on love.
We made some great memories. The first morning was a glorious one and I went outside early, and soon the four-yr-old was out there with me. The sun was clear and perfect, the air and birdsongs too, as we watered the flowers on my path to the gazebo–something she loved doing! It is a beautiful memory! Also relaxed dinners on the patio and just sharing.
It was supposed to get hot before they came but God answered my prayers and it didn’t. Our flowers stayed beautiful and grew even better. But the evenings were warm! Strange here to have both. I believe God loves to give us good things, just because we ask, and loves to see us enjoy them. I spent so many years with the wrong idea about Him (Them)–like He was taking every opportunity to test us and grow us. I was afraid of Him.
That belief seems silly now. I don’t think He (They) test us at all. Now I think it is the dark side, and if we belong to God, They only allow it if They see it will be in our best interest. Or if the universe needs to see us correct something. Satan is our accuser. I believe he objects to God giving us great blessings “we don’t deserve.”
I do believe God has good boundaries and holds them when we need it, just like a good parent says no to keep us safe and make us secure. I know how hard it is to say no to beloved children–harder yet to hold that “no”. I also know, and have watched, how important it is to their development. But I have learned that love is the greatest thing in any relationship, whether it is giving or building and protecting, and is definitely who God is.
We could never have this kind of love without God programming it into us. It can so easily be taken from us–stolen right out of our lives, I’ve seen that too: trauma and abuse, human trafficking are so hard on love.
I am so proud of all the people working against it actively. That is a hard calling. It is difficult to work with, difficult to witness, but so important. Darkness is going to get stronger as God allows the dark side to show the ugliness of being separated from Him (Them) and Love.
This needs to happen so choices are clear. Evil has to be revealed. But don’t be confused, God IS Love, and has nothing to do with evil. They didn’t create it–only the freedom to choose it so love could be real. The greatest is real love.