God Has a Sense of Humor

I know because I’ve just experienced it. It’s been a rough week continuing from last week. You’ll remember that after I got out of my detour of three days silence, I didn’t follow God’s direction very well, and didn’t get a great result. But it did break me out of my hold.

However my husband continued with his distance for another six days, and finally something broke inside me. Thursday afternoon about 4:00, almost without thinking, I went to where he was lying on the bed, reading, sat on it beside him and said, “Our 29th anniversary is in a week, so either blow up at me and get it out, or lets get a divorce!” Whoa! that was bold! I thought. And his response was, “Yes, I think its time we bring dissolution to this.” His ready agreement surprised me–like he’d been waiting for me to say it.

I said, “OK, we’ll sell the house, and split it,” and he cut in.

“We can’t sell for six months.” (We just refinanced.)

“I know,” I replied. “But it will take us six months to get divorced anyway. You can go get the papers.”

“You get the papers,” he said.

I actually left the room to go to work feeling light and free. Something moved. We have been so stuck.

At 6:00, my newly adopted granddaughter called and said they were on their way. I had promised to do an interview with her for a class she was taking. I thought it was about careers, but she said she needed my husband too. I was just finishing charting and so texted him; then told her to ask him when she arrived.

He didn’t turn her down, and he came and we recorded an interview about marriage. They were well-thought out questions–a group project it sounded like–thirty minutes of them. How interesting to be going through our whole marriage after we had just decided to get a divorce, answering questions like “What one thing would you change about your spouse?” or “What is the main thing that has kept you together?”

Her mom was holding the tablet, recording it, and afterward they both said,  “That was so sweet! You should have a copy of it!”

It was actually fun. But I felt like an imposter thinking if you only knew that two hours ago…! The interview had an interesting dynamic because I mostly waited for him to answer first, just to see where he would go with it now.

After they left, I wanted to say to him, “Does God ever have a sense of humor!” But for some reason I didn’t. I waited to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t.  It certainly did put in perspective how many people we would be letting down beginning with her.

Since then we have been getting along better. It’s a little weird, granted. We haven’t talked about it at all. I really doubt we will get divorced, but I think God has something up His sleeve. This sounds strange, but I believe He told me to continue like we are going to. It certainly cuts down on control! And it may be the only way we will get rid of 30 years of stuff. I’ll keep you posted.

I wasn’t ready to post this last week. I may not be this week. It’s been better but a little strange. Kind of a good strange. For instance I don’t ask what he wants for dinner. I say I’m making ____ do you want any?

It felt bad not going to the doctor with him, but of course I didn’t say anything. (He prefers to go alone. I ask too many questions. And remember what they tell him.) Otherwise he seemed to act like we were moving past our “fight”(we didn’t have). But one day I said, “I think we should celebrate making 29 years even if we are getting divorced.” He didn’t say anything, but I noticed him step back. One night after we were in bed, I asked what he thought of that, he said he didn’t think so. So I put my hand on his arm and said, “You don’t stop loving someone, just because you can’t live with them,” and went to sleep.

Getting rid of stuff has been overwhelming. I started with the room that would be least disruptive, and in 45 minutes I was overwhelmed. I told God, “You’re going to have to help me. I can’t do this.” And His answer was, “Just take it an hour at a time,” and gave me organizing ideas. That has helped.

But neither of us has gotten any papers. I don’t think either of us want a divorce–it just seemed like a good way to handle an impasse created by crisis. For the first ten years it was his go-to. Since then the D-word has rarely been used.

He finally agreed to celebrate and we had a good day. We actually talked while driving an hour up the coast to one of our favorite breakfast places. We had plans to celebrate today too–we’ll see what happens. There is more freedom, but somehow more responsibility–no obligation. I think I’ll wait to post this till next week.

The day after writing last week I couldn’t walk. My family has a lot of arthritis, but I’m usually not bothered by it except for crooked fingers that get stiff if I eat sugar. This was a flare up I didn’t know could happen! My joint was so sore it throbbed! One of my alternative-health friends texted and said “Hips are supposed to have to do with emotions.” Made sense. We had a talk that day in which he told me that I was rude and ungrateful. When I asked “To whom?” He said my daughter and son-in-law. I was crushed. Soul searching time.

Just praying how to proceed–is confrontation needed? Our reading in my small group this week was all about giving thanks in everything. I started there.

 

 

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