Category Archives: Separation

A Perspective Excerpt from Love’s Playbook 5

I’ve decided to share a couple of pages from the book I’m working on. It’s book five in the series: Exodus and the plagues. This is a break in the story for a new perspective.

“Whether or not Satan can create brings up an interesting question. Does God create destructive elements—in this case flies? Egypt has historically had the dog fly. It is large and venomous with a painful bite. And this one God instructed Moses to tell Pharaoh would not come on the Hebrews because God would make a distinction between Egypt and His special people.

It’s possible the first three hadn’t affected them either, but this is the first time God specifically tells Pharaoh it won’t, to make sure he is aware of it. Does God protect his own people from God? Or from enemies?

Back to the original question. It is true Satan doesn’t have ability to create life from nothing. But we have all seen how he can twist God’s gifts to create aberrations. Look at the suffering and disease he has created from sex. Or just the diseases he creates in us from ignorance and from taste, let alone viruses he creates. Remember in this series how Lucifer was given the chance to study the laws of nature and see what he could create. No doubt, he learned a lot about nature and its laws.

At that time he was still under God’s influence, and getting to fulfil his dream. He had not yet defected and activated the law of sin and death. But imagine what he must have done in the lab after he had activated entropy. He is called “the destroyer” in Exodus 12:23 and also in the book of Hebrews (2:14). He would destroy all of us (or have us destroy each other) if God allowed. It’s who he has become.

This is the first plague where it says the land was corrupted—literally the Hebrew is “the land was destroyed.” Would God have done this? Or would he have allowed the dark side to do their thing? I think it is the latter. I don’t believe God is the creator of evil. I think it is the absence of good as death is the absence of life.

Yes, They allow it to exist for choices, but They are winning the “right” now to banish evil, keeping it only as a personal choice forever, because it brings death. God has allowed Satan to have the power of death as long as he is kept alive. When God stops shielding him, he and all of his will cease to exist. Evil can’t exist in God’s presence. Revelation 20 says death and hell will be thrown into the lake of fire which is simply a metaphor for the dark side rushing into God’s unbridled energy to take his new city. (See Rev. 20:7-10.)

So why haven’t we questioned this before? We didn’t have the perspective. Our collective consciousness thought God does what He wants to because He is God, and thought the fear of God was literal along with other metaphors. Most people served God from fear—not what God wants! Now we know that another translation is more accurate: fear is best translated reverence or respect.

So why did God allow this? Because to protect our freedom there has to be hooks to hang doubt on. God can’t make everything completely plain until someone asks. Some things had to be shrouded in mystery until we started questioning and searching for a better understanding.

I don’t suppose I am the first one to question or understand this, just one who dares to interpret scripture this way, write it down and publish it.”

Leave a comment

Filed under A God perspective, a perspective on evil, Becoming real, Living well, Love ed, Respect and disrespect, Separation, suffering, Uncategorized, What is God like?, When religion gets it wrong...

Family

The holidays always bring feelings of family to the surface–bad or good. Usually an interesting mix of both. We long for people to smile when we walk through the door, to welcome us with open arms, to feel that we have been missed and are treasured.

One of my clients calls it longing for a Norman Rockwell family. She always has a hard time this time of year–because her family is so broken despite their wealth. And the saddest part is they can’t look at it and admit it. So, of course, they can’t get better. Drives her crazy!

Thanksgiving is often interesting for us–all of our kids live in different states, so we are often alone. But we are so fortunate that we have become close to friends who are our kids’ ages. This year one of them had a Thanksgiving dinner and included us.

How sweet it was. We did get the smiles, open arms, and the feeling that we are treasured. It was a great evening with people who have the same desires and values actually sharing thanks for spouses and each other. And some of it was just spontaneous.

It started me thinking: If you are blessed to have family like that, how happy you are! BUT if you don’t and you long for it, or are far away from yours, what prevents you from creating a surrogate one? I’ve had one most of my life just because from 22 on I lived 2000 miles from family. I asked, and God supplied.

We need people. We need to feel loved and treasured. It truly is God’s biggest desire for us. One Thanksgiving I purposely spent alone with Jesus imagining Him with me. It was fabulous. God wants to be that real to you. That close.

You’ll never be sorry for making Him the primary relationship in your life, and He will add surrogate family–other people who have put Him first on purpose. These are people who know how to love, or at least are learning. They aren’t perfect, but they are in God’s school for love.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under A God perspective, Living well, Love ed, Loved, Mental Health, Separation, Uncategorized

You Deserve It

Have you noticed how this line has become the call to action–or at least the hook for almost every female advertisement?

It isn’t surprising. They are targeting women over 40, or at least over 35, and most of us were raised to feel inferior to someone or something.

Even if we weren’t raised that way, we felt it…inferior to men, inferior to prettier women, inferior to the smart kids, inferior to women who were loved, excelled, got things done, Mother Theresa, and on and on.

As a whole, we grew up “not good enough” and felt it most of the time. Notwithstanding the feminist movement (70’s).

Now, the 70’s have had their effect, our brains have been done developing for a while (age 25) and we are beginning to realize that we are good enough to be loved, treated well, respected, cared for, paid the same as men, etc.

And I’m wondering what they will use to hook the next generations. They were and are raised by women who champion women–who believe they deserve everything. Anyone under 35 seems to feel entitled to having it all.

They aren’t going to take anyone’s crap!

That’s what they say, and many of them can walk the walk, but underneath it, they still question if they are good enough.

Know why? Abuse, yes. But mostly it’s the curse. Not God’s curse; He would never curse us–but He did describe it.

In the beginning God created us equal to men, but breaking faith with God, believing a snake over our best friend, broke our confidence in profound ways. It filtered down to all of us.

Men have had a love/hate relationship with women ever since. They blame us, but have a hard time standing up to us in gentle, real ways. Force and violence come much easier to them. Or abdication.

What can we do?

Understanding the curse helps. It’s called “the curse of sin and death” in Scripture.*
1. It didn’t come from God–He is still our best friend.
2. It broke our direct relationship to God–that clear, true dependency.
3. It made us dependent on men. For centuries–millennia–we have depended on them. Societies were set up that way. Most of them still are.
4. We feel it. Many of us feel incomplete without a man.
5. Emotionally we want and seek a man to complete us.
6. Our first thought when we are unhappy or feel afraid or incomplete, is not usually, “I need God”; it is, “I need a man” or at least, “I need someone.”
7. But reversing the curse would be realizing, “I need God!”–exchanging the horizontal relationship we run after for a vertical relationship–making it number 1.

I’ve lived a long time, have listened to many people’s stories. And the only thing I have seen consistently work is reversing the curse. Find out for yourself what God is really like: He is crazy about you! He can love you like nobody else. He is gentle. He is strong. And He will never leave you.

And you are worth it. You do deserve a relationship with Him because He says so. And He walked the talk.

*Romans 7-8:1

Leave a comment

Filed under A God perspective, battered women syndrome, Becoming real, Living well, Love ed, Loved, Mental Health, Respect and disrespect, Separation, Uncategorized

Love can Alter Perspective

IMG_3598

This picture brought to mind the old saying, “If you want to understand someone, walk a mile in his shoes.

But what if you can’t? What if they are just too heavy to walk a mile? Or across the living room! You might have to rest.

He was trying to walk his stepdad’s boots to his room for Mommy, but they are so heavy he had to rest half way.

Some of us try to walk in the shoes of Our Father and find them just too heavy–way too heavy–to make it to our destination, and instead of resting we give up.

Interesting. Jesus said being connected with Him makes life light. So why does it sometimes feel so heavy?

Last week I had so many commitments, it could have felt way too heavy, especially since I was fighting off some virus, but my weakness made me focus on Him and relax, until the last day. He told me to rest, but I had so much to get done, that I got all tense and tired and irritable! But at least I learned from it–the next day was a great day because of “resting” in His love instead of trying harder and getting tense.

Maybe we don’t rest enough. Maybe we are too conscious of us, and not conscious enough of Him.

I’m sure my grandson had no thought of quitting. He might have been surprised how heavy those boots were, or how hard it was to walk in them; but he just needed to rest a bit–no big deal. In fact he felt honor, I’m sure.

There’s three of them adjusting to a new life, new home, new Dad; but he loves them, and that takes most of the pain of their new life away. When they focus on him, and how he feels about them, how he treats them, it’s worth it. He’s worth it. They feel his love. They rest til they can see their dad again.

Just like their new Dad, your Father-God is worth it. Focussing on His love, His respect, even His discipline, makes you feel secure and safe. He’s worth it. Let yourself rest and feel His love. He will reveal more and more love.

Research says the younger ones (<4) are typically most impacted by life upsets like divorce, but I’ve noticed where there is love on both ends, the little ones do much better than predicted. Sometimes even better than the older ones.

Leave a comment

Filed under divorce, fathering, Fathers' Day, Grief, Love ed, Loved, Mental Health, Parenting, parenting and divorce, Separation, suffering, Uncategorized

The Importance of Your Perspective

My thoughts turned to my ex-son-in-law while I was sitting with God this morning, and I found myself grieving again. In over ten years I grew to love him even if his parenting and attitudes drove me crazy. I remembered some of the work we’d done, some of the opportunities he’d had, his love of me, and cried. It’s so sad, he lost so much by not choosing to face himself.

My daughter told of their last encounter that left her shaken–over an air compressor that she wanted (she got her dad’s mechanical ability and loves to fix things but has to have the strength of the compressor). He threw a tantrum and tried to control her with fear and guilt as always, and she was second-guessing herself in guilt. She’s always too soft on him–in my opinion. (It’s a God-thing that she could leave.)

But from his comments I could tell that he is back to blaming everyone else, in typical narcissist style, hiding from his brokenness. He’s obviously heard, “You’ve sacrificed so much to keep your kids in their home,” and he replays it regularly. I’m not diminishing what he did for a year and a half–it was big and commendable to give her 2/3 thirds of his check so she could scrape to stay in their house. It was important to keep the kids’ lives as stable and normal as possible, the youngest was a year and a half when they separated. And the earlier a child is disrupted, the harder it is on them. Most people don’t know that. 

But it sounds like he has made a new “persona” or public mask out of being the one who has sacrificed so much–the good guy–the hero–the one who was left–the martyr.

That is so sad to me. He is even further away from facing himself, the wreckage he caused by not being willing to face his faults and grow. She had done most of the emotional heavy-lifting, and he wanted her to do it all–which she couldn’t. You can’t do someone else’s work. She was so into making things perfect, I’m sure she would have if she could have. And he got angrier and angrier at not being him. She hid it as long as she could. Until she saw how it was affecting their three little boys. And she began to see she would die young if she stayed.

Sad, sad, sad. Mostly for him. He’s the one who loses the most.

There’s a saying in my field, “Nothing changes until it becomes real,” which just means that unless you face your part, your faults, your dark side, you won’t grow, your relationships won’t get better.

There is no one on this planet that isn’t broken, that doesn’t have faults. We are all mistake makers here, ALL of us. And to pretend that we aren’t, is just fooling ourselves and maybe our children (hopefully only for a time). Everyone around us knows our craziness long before we do.  The smartest thing we can do for ourselves and those who love us is take off our masks, look in the mirror, and get honest. It’s painful, but so worth it, and a lot less pain for a lot of people in the long run.

God will help if you ask–He’s into honesty. I’ve always wondered why Jesus’ disciples started the good news about God with telling people they were sinners, which just means we are broken, separated from God, and can’t fix ourselves. I thought that would raise defenses; maybe it was a short-cut for honest, open hearts. If your defenses are so developed that you think you’re good, you don’t need God. You’re perfect–and hopeless.

Leave a comment

Filed under Becoming real, Help with Narcissism--, Mental Health, Separation, Uncategorized

Separation is a Good Thing

Today is my daughter’s wedding day (Tuesday) and I’m in California and she’s in North Carolina! I was really having a rough time with  it yesterday, but am better today. God helped me with acceptance, showing me that it is a right-of-passage for her. Yet another step in separating from me.

Separation is a good thing on this planet because we tend to glom onto each other to get our need for connection met. Yet you can really only be close to those you have accomplished emotional separation from–especially parents. If you are still dependent on them, you probably have a lot of either emotional distance or drama exhibited in conflict and tension. The same dynamic gets worked out in the first two years (or so) of every successful marriage–that’s why it gets tough. Merging into someone isn’t love and it isn’t healthy, it’s codependency that creates confusion and tension–not to mention power struggles.

So I will celebrate with them from a distance, and hold them close in heart and thought with picture texts. It has already begin with this one:

Yes, they did just get engaged, if you’ve been following this saga. They may hold the record for shortest engagement. He gave her a very personalized ring a week ago, and asked her to marry him. They had decided that neither of them wanted the stress or expense of a wedding. They wanted a very intimate ceremony with just the two of them and God out under a tree while the leaves were turning. They have beautiful old trees around their historic capitol building which is two short blocks from the courthouse.

It’s going to be a beautiful day (72 degrees) and her friend was free to take pictures for them. Her boys are with their dad on vacation with grandparents, so it seemed the perfect time, with a party coming later.

God brought them together is such a unique way, and it proves that whoever seeks God, gets love poured all over them. Yes, they may get hammered by the dark side too, but “God’s love holds them steady as a post” as the card above my daughter’s kitchen sink says.

I loved seeing their steadiness a month ago when I was there, especially his. I could see the little boys felt it too–they’re so relaxed with him.

God bless them. He has so profoundly already. He is the only one you don’t want to separate from. Well truly, sometimes you even need to do that too when you’ve been given bad information about Him–until you get it straightened out and find the true God of Love. He will bless you too, I promise.

http://Godhelps.net

Leave a comment

Filed under Loved, Mental Health, Parenting, Separation