I frequently tell you that you will get what you look for, that your focus will determine your mental health and mental state, and I experienced it again this week.
I got caught up in fear without even realizing. It started from a wonderful conversation with a friend that was mind-expanding and spiritually enlightening. I shared something I had been sensing God was asking me to do. I hadn’t shared it with anyone else because I was scared. Scared to actually say it, scared to make it real, scared I’d get some smallest signal that I was crazy to even think it–that it was beyond my ability.
(This sounds silly to me as I write it–what could be crazier than rewriting the Bible? And yet, those good natured comments like, “She’s rewriting the Bible because it wasn’t done right the first time.” I can take in stride with a smile. I know it sounds crazy. And I’m loving it.) But I’ve done enough to know that God is in it. The human support has been gratifying as well.
But this is about speaking. Something I’ve always wanted to do. Something for years I’ve thought God was preparing me for, and yet when the idea first came, it overwhelmed me. Why? Because I had started seeing myself as a grasshopper, just like the Israelites spying out Canaan. (I’d had one bad experience that crippled me. Four great experiences, three good ones, and one bad one. Crazy.)
I moved ahead, preparing, and God’s enemies didn’t work through people; they worked through my mind–evidently playing on suggestions they had presented previously and I must have entertained without realizing the danger of them. I’m not even sure yet what they were, but suddenly I realized that I felt far away from God. My heart was hard and cold, and I felt alone.
It’s my habit to spend time with God in the morning, so I did, but it was like nobody was there but me. I hadn’t even realized that my fear and doubt had pushed Their love right out of me. Hadn’t even realized I was in fear and doubt! Talk about mindlessness!
Until I came and missed the connection. And then I said, “I need help! I don’t even know what is wrong!” Immediately, I heard in my head, “Do you love Me?” Then the tears came from deep inside, and in a flash of insight I knew what had happened. I had been looking at everything God hadn’t done, instead of all the things They had done. I was getting weary of other people’s struggles–my prayers not being answered. I’d forgotten gratitude.
The neat thing is that later that morning my youngest sister texted, “Did you need prayer this morning?” I responded “Yes!!!” and she replied, “Then ours were answered.” “For me?” I asked. “Yes” came the reply. I was so impressed. God cared enough to tell my sisters to pray for me! What a feeling of love accompanied that little message.
It’s really true, you will have or become what you focus on. I cannot over-emphasize the power and importance of focus and gratitude. Feelings follow focus. What you see is what you get. Be careful how you see. Choose your life through choosing your thought life.