Tag Archives: becoming yourself through choosing

You Deserve It

Have you noticed how this line has become the call to action–or at least the hook for almost every female advertisement?

It isn’t surprising. They are targeting women over 40, or at least over 35, and most of us were raised to feel inferior to someone or something.

Even if we weren’t raised that way, we felt it…inferior to men, inferior to prettier women, inferior to the smart kids, inferior to women who were loved, excelled, got things done, Mother Theresa, and on and on.

As a whole, we grew up “not good enough” and felt it most of the time. Notwithstanding the feminist movement (70’s).

Now, the 70’s have had their effect, our brains have been done developing for a while (age 25) and we are beginning to realize that we are good enough to be loved, treated well, respected, cared for, paid the same as men, etc.

And I’m wondering what they will use to hook the next generations. They were and are raised by women who champion women–who believe they deserve everything. Anyone under 35 seems to feel entitled to having it all.

They aren’t going to take anyone’s crap!

That’s what they say, and many of them can walk the walk, but underneath it, they still question if they are good enough.

Know why? Abuse, yes. But mostly it’s the curse. Not God’s curse; He would never curse us–but He did describe it.

In the beginning God created us equal to men, but breaking faith with God, believing a snake over our best friend, broke our confidence in profound ways. It filtered down to all of us.

Men have had a love/hate relationship with women ever since. They blame us, but have a hard time standing up to us in gentle, real ways. Force and violence come much easier to them. Or abdication.

What can we do?

Understanding the curse helps. It’s called “the curse of sin and death” in Scripture.*
1. It didn’t come from God–He is still our best friend.
2. It broke our direct relationship to God–that clear, true dependency.
3. It made us dependent on men. For centuries–millennia–we have depended on them. Societies were set up that way. Most of them still are.
4. We feel it. Many of us feel incomplete without a man.
5. Emotionally we want and seek a man to complete us.
6. Our first thought when we are unhappy or feel afraid or incomplete, is not usually, “I need God”; it is, “I need a man” or at least, “I need someone.”
7. But reversing the curse would be realizing, “I need God!”–exchanging the horizontal relationship we run after for a vertical relationship–making it number 1.

I’ve lived a long time, have listened to many people’s stories. And the only thing I have seen consistently work is reversing the curse. Find out for yourself what God is really like: He is crazy about you! He can love you like nobody else. He is gentle. He is strong. And He will never leave you.

And you are worth it. You do deserve a relationship with Him because He says so. And He walked the talk.

*Romans 7-8:1

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Filed under A God perspective, battered women syndrome, Becoming real, Living well, Love ed, Loved, Mental Health, Respect and disrespect, Separation, Uncategorized

Mandela — A Guide to Being You

I’ve written how I loved Invictus, a movie about Mandela and how he used the rugby team to solidify South Africa. I remember Matt Damon (team captain) going to visit the prison where Mandela spent 27 years, and in wonder spreading his arms to touch both walls, both ways of the 8×8 cell. There was a hard-back chair and that was all.

I still can’t imagine it–how anyone could survive that and come out as a beacon of love and forgiveness. But he did. One man can change a country, a world.

Inspiration like that doesn’t last long unless you feed it. Have you noticed that? But how can we keep it alive?

The same way he achieved his amazing triumph of spirit–by choice.

It just now came to me. He was in an easier place to do the thing we don’t do, because in that kind of desolate place, it is continually before you every waking minute–choose! You have to choose how to think about this, how to relate to it, or your emotions will eat you alive.

Here’s what I know: in that situation emotions take over and fire up every possible kind of anger, fear, and despair–running the gamut and determining your perspective. Or you completely shut down and go into depression, overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

The grinding day after day sameness and privation would break most of us, but not Mandela; or you, if you believed in choice like he did and if you were committed to right like he was. The one line of “Invictus,” the poem he kept with him continually, says it all, “I am the captain of my soul.”

In other words, I don’t have to react, I can choose and depend on Goodness and Love to bring it around–eventually.

Sometimes all you can choose is your perspective, but that is yours. And no one can take that if you don’t allow them to choose how you see or how you react.

Think about that. You are capable of choice.

My husband and I are currently reading the prophet Hosea in the Holy Scriptures. What has jumped at me is God’s perspective on pain. He says He took them to the Valley of Achor (Suffering or Troubling) as a door of hope.

Really? Say again… So He did. When they had plenty, they became full and left Him…they didn’t need Him when it was good and forgot that He was their Source, their protector, their happiness.

If God blessed them they forgot Him. That became a huge problem for Israel. Over and over it happened. They either didn’t believe that He really loved and cared for them, or they didn’t care. But again and again when things got good they forgot about their living God and ran after gods they created.

Suffering was their safety.

Suffering is one of our best teachers, and we have another sublime example of it in Mandela’s life.

Suffering forces choice. But it’s not God’s desire.

His problem and ours is that when things are good enough we forget about God and choice.

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