Tag Archives: God can be trusted

Confidence is a Good Thing

Thanks for your responses to last week. I’m late writing this week–had two prayer retreats at my house this weekend. They were awesome–and turned out to be one person each. I had a feeling that might happen and told God I was ok with canceling them, but He told me to go ahead. And I’m glad I did. I’m sure I received more than either of the attendees. The morning one was so beautiful it was surreal. The sun, the time, (I love early morning), the sky, the temperature, the breeze, everything was perfect.

I started doing the Lord’s prayer as a group prayer three retreats ago. I say a phrase and everyone says whatever comes to their mind. It’s really neat, and we have done it at every one since, usually spending fifteen or so minutes on it. Since it was just my friend and I, we spent as long as we wanted, and were amazed to see we had spent an hour on it! (The rest of the time we spend reading scriptures, listening to God individually and then sharing.)

When God shows up things happen. The first year I held it here, we had healings and a prophecy over our church. This time I learned something very valuable about myself: I’m so afraid to promote anything I do, that almost nobody finds out about it. I wait until the last minute, hoping key people will get excited about it and promote it. That has been very limiting, but I am not an effusive person, and I feel extremely uncomfortable “blowing my own horn”. My client that goes to Alanon says, “Attraction, not promotion,” and I love that. I want God to promote it.

So the staff at church knew I was offering retreats, but that was it. Finally a week before it, I talked to them about it and wrote something to put in the newsletter and bulletin. But even though I sent it to two people, it got overlooked and didn’t get in either one. I didn’t know this until the day of the event. I was discouraged, but I knew God had said, “Go ahead with it,” so I did, and it turned out great. My friend said afterwards, “I’ve been wanting to do this with you for years.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked. She didn’t know. But it was confirmation for me. God had already said, “It’s ok for you to get excited about what you are doing and learning.” I knew I had a confidence fault that ran right through me.

I love learning and sharing it, but  not what I’ve created out of it, and especially presenting it… It’s not that I’m afraid of speaking, I’m afraid of looking like a fool. I had a brother that really reinforced feeling like a fool in me, even my husband is good at it, though he is also my best supporter and encourager. Ridicule withers.

But I’ve proved to myself again and again–God has my back–when I trust, He is faithful–everything works out. This past week I had one of those nights–something woke me and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I  decided to just spend the time with God and not worry about the next day. It was a really good day. I felt good, had a good attitude, was happy and got a lot done. I did have to take a nap before I saw clients at 5:00, which never happens, but that was good too. It was a great day on two hours of sleep, and I was so grateful and excited. It felt like freedom from fear–“I can trust God for anything”. (If you’re wondering, the next day was good too.)

So back to Sunday morning, it was as if something inside shifted. I  saw my lack of confidence clearly as crippling. And I felt that it’s ok for me to feel good about something I have done. (I knew that–but it took healing to feel it.) I can’t wait to see what happens!


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Filed under A God perspective, Mental Health, Uncategorized

Dreams DO Come True

Last week my daughter was totally rewarded for her trust in, and intimacy with, God.

After her decision to divorce (which process and pain is recorded in my blogs for the  past year on http://www.arlaboo.blogspot.com) she and a friend began hanging out. She really liked him; and he, her, but then the twists and turns of life took them other places.

It was a hard year for her, learning to depend on God for everything from finances to friendship. The learning curve was steep and at times painful, but it included healing for many beliefs that kept her stuck in fear and dysfunction. Though sometimes painful to watch, I knew it was good–even when she did some needed separating from me. I just tried to be there when she needed to process or vent.

I have to admit, though, that her intimacy with God both scared me and made me jealous. (And I work at a relationship with Him.)

Nevertheless, there were times when I asked God if I should have taught her that we all need to hear God speaking to us personally, that He desires that, and that we each need our own relationship with Him. Watching her experience (even though I had been through something similar 30 years ago) stretched me to the max. I often didn’t know what to think. I just had to trust Him and her.

In the beginning, she would just tell me what God had said to her, but by the last month she was reading her journal to me.  Sometimes I felt like a voyeur. And I was always praying, “You wouldn’t let her be deceived would you?” I know scripture says people will be deceived because they don’t love truth, but I trusted that her heart was too pure, and God was too good for that.

It has been quite a ride, with her trusting that God can and will do what he says, even when it looks impossible. And last week the beginning of everything God had been telling her for months came to pass. Needless to say she is ecstatic! She waited on God, trusted Him, and has been vindicated and rewarded. Even though seven of us on her inner circle were a little nervous.

It’s a great story of intimacy with God and faith rewarded, and she’s going to publish it. Remember the title Shards of Grace and the cover picture–it may be awhile.   

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September 8, 2013 · 12:33 pm