Tag Archives: God IS Good

I Am Who He Says I Am

This is a line from one of my favorite songs: I Am No Victim by Kristene Dimarco. It’s playing and I love the crescendo that builds into “I am who He says I am; He is who he says He is. I’m defined by all his promises, shaped by every word He says…”He is my father, I do not wonder if His plans for me are good, if He’ll come through like He should–He is provision…”

The words are wonderful and powerful. And so was this morning. The Bible study was great, we had a sweet and powerful prayer over my friend with cancer. The service was great, and I was called out to talk on the phone with a suicidal man. It seemed to help him.

Afterwards in a quiet moment God said, “Why do you think you don’t love people?”

I thought for a second and said, “I don’t know.” And I realized I actually don’t know. “I just feel it.”

He said, “Could it be because you don’t think you have it? Have you been listening to lies from the dark side? Maybe because you don’t love yourself enough?”

Whoa! When God says that to you, it stops you cold. How many times have I said that to people!

I just know I can be impatient. I don’t seem to have the softness and sweetness most people naturally have with each other. It put me to wondering and He said “Maybe it is just a couple of people that have been hard to love.”

“Wow, Ruach!” (That’s the one who brings Jesus to us–the Holy Spirit.) He can teach you more in a moment than you can learn in hours and years.

Don’t you just love that God knows you better than you know yourself! Who else could say that to you and you would hear it as truth and healing?

All I can say to you is don’t wait until you are as old as I am to ask God if the things you think about you are true! How crippling! And you may not even think to check them out! But stay close and maybe He’ll catch you in a quiet moment in between and ask you, “Do you really believe that?” He is so good!

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Release and Trust Makes “Hard” Easier

If you want to experience how good God is, walk through something scary holding onto His hand! Would I be saying this if my story ended differently? I think so. My experience would depend on my response, so I hope so. My husband had emergency surgery Friday morning.

We couldn’t figure out why his foot kept getting cracks that wouldn’t heal. But I knew enough to know that it might have to do with the fact that he is diabetic, so when things that had helped turned to a reverse effect, causing pain, I asked if he thought he should go into the hospital. Thursday morning we asked God together to show him what to do, and an hour later he decided to take my sister’s advice to see a specialist. He’s a vet, so he called his VA doc, but had to get authorization, so decided to go to a podiatrist meanwhile. He got an appointment the same day, and discovered his situation was urgent and needed immediate attention: he had no blood flow to that foot! No wonder it was cold!

Between my 4 o’clock and 5 o’clock client he told me, “We have to make a decision tonight. I need surgery now.” We were flying to NC for a vacation the day after. He told me what the doctor said, and I said, “We’ll go after I finish with this client. Get ready.” So he canceled our tickets and rental car, and called the hospital ER in L.A.

The receptionist said they were slammed, and when I heard I groaned inwardly. I’d had four hours of sleep the night before because of his pain, and I knew we would be sitting in a waiting room all night. But I said to God, “You must have a way to get through this.”

Almost immediately my husband said, “Let’s go to the VA hospital in Loma Linda!” We had lived in Loma Linda and met there, and were both familiar with it, so the fact that it was a half hour further didn’t matter. We knew our way around, knew people there.

“Ah yes the Jerry Pettis Memorial! Can you go there?” He called and he could. We put some things in a bag and left.

Two hours later he was checked in, and a half hour later had a room seeing the ER doc, who called in a vascular surgeon. By 3:00 a.m. he was scheduled for surgery at 7:00 a.m. He was in a hospital bed and room by 4:00, the nurse had gotten me a recliner and told us, “You can get two hours sleep before they come for you,” and turned off the lights and shut the door. We were so grateful.

However, I lay in my recliner thinking, what if this is the last time we have? The surgeon had given us sobering info. She had finally found enough pulse to schedule surgery, but she couldn’t guarantee the results; his kidneys weren’t strong; finding the blood clot, that was obviously there, would take dye that could cause them to fail; and they might end up having to amputate. So the simple installing-stints surgery had suddenly gone from a 3 to a 10 on the fear scale.

I crawled onto his bed and said, “I have to sleep here. If you don’t come out of this (we had talked about that in the ER) I’d always regret that I didn’t.”

He got a roommate at 5:00, and there went our sleep. At 5:30 he called our kids to tell them he was going into surgery. A surgical nurse came at 6:00 to prep him.

He was in surgery from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. without a word of how it was progressing. I had slept in the empty family room until 9:30, and woke up, expecting to hear something soon. I went back to his room–the chaplain came and prayed, and vascular support came in to tell me they would take him directly to ICU–they always did for vascular surgery–so it would be longer than expected. That helped. Texts from friends and my daughters helped, I went to the cafeteria and ate.

But by 1:00, God and I had a talk about what it would be like for him to live adjusting as an amputee, and I released him into God’s hands for whatever was best for him and us.

Shortly after that my friend Ev came, just when I was beginning to want her there. She had said I could stay at her house, and I had told her she didn’t need to come up, but she did as if on cue, and I was so glad she was with me when the doctor called. I was nervous after seven hours with no word.

The surgery had been a great success! They had found the big clot, cleaned out plaque, and put in stints. His leg was basically fillayed but he was doing well! Thank you Jesus! What relief! His kidneys hadn’t failed and he still had his foot.

Could I have said God is good if any other outcome had happened? God IS good. Hopefully I could have said it and believed it and felt it no matter what. Maybe we can learn that by release and trust rather than hard, very hard experiences. But even if He takes you that way–hang on to His hand. It makes hard times easier to know you are loved.

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