Tag Archives: “healing is a process”

Choosing Good and Grief

Going through something horrific brings out the good or the bad. We either get stuck in everything is bad. Or we choose to see grace and good in our lives in spite of what we are experiencing. There is always reason to see both. And sometimes people not sharing the experience can’t see any reason for good, but that is because they aren’t inside it. They don’t see what Ruach (Holy Spirit) is showing you. It’s as if you have new eyes.

The past week in California was horrendous, and especially so for people who lost their children and homes (in my area). Further north people lost not only homes but people, community and their city. It is traumatic and disorienting. And feels like a repeat of last year. Hundreds of homes a half hour away were lost then too.

Horrific happenings are going to happen to everyone. (I heard on the news yesterday that more people lost their lives in the blizzard back east than lost their lives in our fire!) Evil is going to be given more and more power so we are all given clear choices. How will you relate? How will you deal with evil?

That can be scary if you are a person who believes the negative. If you see the bad before the good. Such is my particular personality and I’m afraid I fostered it. Trying to turn it around takes lots of thought and choices.

First it takes seeing and admitting it. I can tell you, if you are like me and have allowed yourself to lean that way, you are going to need help undoing it. The good news is God is ready. He’s been waiting to help you change to seeing the good in your life. Don’t be ashamed that you need help. Be grateful it is readily available.

No matter how bad things are, you can ask God to give you eyes to see it as He does. There is always something good. And seeing that one thing lifts you up into seeing another good thing. After practicing for years it gets easier to see everything differently. It is a choice. It is looking at things through God’s eyes.

And it’s not all good. But there is always something good that can come from it. Something good in it. Or at least the seeds of good that faith will cause to sprout. You may not even be able to imagine any good in the beginning–that’s where faith takes hold. You choose to believe in God’s goodness. Then in His goodness towards you (I like to say Their goodness because there are Three mighty ones who fill this good-God position.) You are never alone if you latch on to this belief and choose it. You aren’t alone anyway, because He (They) are always there hoping you choose Them.

As you’ve read here before, this is the most important part of life. We live in a war zone. It’s not safe to live here unless you make good choices–choices for good–choices for God. If you do that you are safe no matter what happens. It may look like He has (They have) abandoned you, but they never will. They are just letting you have experiences that show you what you need–the next choice to make. As Graham Cook says, the site of your next miracle! And if you don’t know what the next choice is, choose Them. God and goodness are always the right choice.

A powerful example was aired by the media this past week. They showed a mom and her kids going through the rubble of their burned home. There wasn’t even a structure left. They were finding little things that they were delighted to find. The reporter asked, how they could be so positive, and she said, “It was a great home. There was a lot of love here, but its just a house. The memories and love are still here.”

That is choosing love–choosing God. It doesn’t focus on loss or self-pity; it doesn’t blame. It looks for good. Grief is real and very necessary to do, if you don’t it will get you later, but don’t get stuck in blaming or negativity there. Good grief processing feels it and goes through the sadness for sometimes a month, sometimes a year, or five years for children, then turns toward hope, believing in good, finding God is there for you. He (They) can bring good out of anything, but not without our permission.

Grief is important to honor for yourself and others, understanding that it is different for everyone. But holding onto anger will make you bitter and keep you from moving forward. It really is healthy to let go. And please know that your loved one who is gone wouldn’t want you to go on mourning or being angry–they would want you to make something good out of it. Also know that grief comes in waves for years. Let it be ok, accept it, feel it, ride the wave, and then go back to living in the present. Graciousness is there for you.

My clients tell me that the best strategy I’ve given them is managing grief. Give yourself an hour or two to just grieve every day and later every week. Look at pictures listen to the music, work it. Then put it on the shelf and live your life.

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Healing is a Process

I’ve finished writing the book of Job! Of course the rewriting is the hardest part, but I just have to celebrate that I got through the first draft.

It’s a heavy book, but it has been very exciting to dig up all kinds of little details (like he was married to Jacob’s daughter) that put it in a context, and make it even richer than the problem of suffering. That is only the biggest, oldest question around–Why do we suffer if there is a loving God?  It’s really about your concept of God, and the question–What is God like?

The question of its authorship has also made it so meaningful to me. In the beginning I wasn’t convinced it was Moses. But I am now. And that really makes it rich. Especially because I’ll be writing Moses life next!

I’m hoping to have it out by the first of July. Maybe I’ll even put a preorder special on this one! It is a greatly condensed and simplified version for easy reading.

This is a gentle day. I’d call it a lazy day, but it is purposefully lazy so I’m calling it gentle. It’s overcast and I haven’t even gone outside. It’s June and I have a fire in the fireplace! Crazy. But then the last five weeks have been pretty crazy. I’ve been going so hard that I get antsy when I sit around. The week after my husband’s surgery I had a spiritual retreat scheduled at my house. I think that week I just ran on corticosteroids (the kind your body makes for stress). I didn’t feel stressed, just busy, and did I ever sleep that week!

God showed up and made it a great retreat. But the next week I was so tired, I walked around in circles in a fog. My body called off the dogs (the steroids) and I don’t ever remember being so tired for so many days. My husband thinks its funny that I went into the grocery store and could only buy the things that were in the front because I was too tired to walk any further.

This has been a really good experience for us–very bonding–and we haven’t had any big fights–even though he fired me for two days. It gave me some much needed rest, and in two days he was humble and ready to be taken care of again. It’s not easy to be recovering from major surgery. I can’t believe I was on crutches for 5 months ten years ago! Thank God my daughter and son-in-law were living with us then.

So these are just ramblings of post crisis. It takes time to come back to status quo. If you are recovering from anything–besides life–give yourself time and be gentle, while you maintain little disciplines. Don’t expect to heal overnight–miracles happen–but it’s usually a process. That’s what I keep telling my husband.

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