Tag Archives: loving life=loving God

Being Real

Holidays are usually studded with family or good friends. And it brings focus to how real we are. What does it mean to be real?

Some people think it’s saying what you want with no filter. Some think it’s reacting–however you feel. Is that really being real? How do we measure reality when we are talking about authenticity or genuineness?

I was thinking about it yesterday, and dreamed about it last night. I was at a wedding, but it was different from all other weddings in that the decorating was all lighting. It seemed to be heaven and the emphasis was on the commitment to God and then to the other person.

After the ceremony, I was invited to join the community who were being mentored by  someone who seemed to be God, and I was thrilled. The only requirement was that you had to want to become who you truly were meant to be. And that meant being willing to take the feedback of others, especially your mentor. I didn’t care. I had never wanted anything so much.

The feelings were intense and the most vivid part of the dream. I’m having trouble coming up with words to describe them. The atmosphere was the most positive I have ever experienced. Everyone looked supportive; their faces had good humor, joy, and kindness, and they spoke as if they wanted you to be there. The mentor was so gracious, that when he spoke to you, or even looked at you, you felt so accepted, so capable, so motivated. I felt the purest desire to achieve with no thought for whether I could do it or not. I was sure that here I could be or do anything.

I woke up and wanted to go back to sleep and be there again. I did have another good-feeling dream, but definitely not the same.

I’ve tried to think how to describe the feelings all day. Is that what it means to be real? To be truly you? To feel loved?

It was so pleasant, but that is too weak of a word. Joyful comes closest–though I’ve never thought of joyful as being motivated. This, however, included a motivation to become part of the joyful place–to belong there, to stay.

By afternoon I was feeling, again, the insecurity family has always made me feel. I say something that comes out wrong. Or what I do has the opposite effect that I intended. Or I try too hard and the choice I thought was best turns out clearly not true to myself. So  easy to be disappointed; so many opportunities to feel bad!

So I run off and get alone for just a few minutes, with the One in the dream, because I know He is real. Interpreting the symbols in dreams is tricky, but the feelings are real, and I know His unconditional positive regard for me is real. A few minutes is all it takes, to say what I’m feeling and let go of my expectations with a few tears, and I am righted again, centered, and the day is better.

Maybe someone out there has this same seeming curse of sensitivity. I offer this to whoever needs it for whatever help it can bring. He is there, and He does care. AND the best really is yet to come!



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Fulfillment–Perception of an Empty Nest


I  love dates like today’s! So I had to write something about completeness or fulfillment–that’s what 12 symbolizes to me–so here’s my perception of 12-12-12.

We love being in the empty nest stage.

We absolutely love being Grandparents. Only wish the Grandkids weren’t so far away–five of them are almost 3,000 miles! But thank God for Skype and reasonable plane fares. We’ll be there Christmas Eve, met by three very excited little boys.

We’ve found an easy gentle rhythm to our days. We love reading the Bible together in the mornings, right now we are reading the Hebrew and Greek Interlinear translation. We love staying in bed til 8:00, snuggling, reading, talking, and making love.

We love gardening in our yard together. We are both sun freaks, and love plants and being outside. When the weather is good we are outside all the time.

We love going on mission trips, although none this year. Our group went to India, and we lacked the bucks and the burning desire. But loved Portugal last year.

On the week-ends, we have friends over or go out with them. Or we might drive to Santa Barbara for breakfast. Besides that we’ll watch a movie, and we do have the same taste in movies mostly. We were taken in by Downton Abbey.

My husband is retired and I’m semi-retired. I love doing therapy several hours a week. I am especially loving my avocation–writing–and most of all my God-in-a-Box Blog. I am learning to trust God’s love in every aspect of my life–it makes it so easy. I love being loved.

So see, once you get past the loneliness in the beginning of empty nest, you find a sweet, easiness of life and a deepening of love and relationship that we’ve never had before. We love it, and feel blessed in this past thirteen years, because the first ten were very hard.

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