Tag Archives: finding love

God has a Sense of Humor–Pt 2

In the first part I wrote that God has been turning a lot of things around on me lately.

I’m not the only one. My daughter has started dating the only friend of her ex-husband that she didn’t like.

I went out to dinner with them recently, and he was giving his first impressions of her. He thought she was depressed because he only saw her on the couch with a blanket. She didn’t speak to him or move, and he felt bad that she had no life or no energy.

His interpretation set up such dissonance in my head because even though I know there was some depression, it didn’t sound like her. My impression had been her hyper-connecting with his friends because she was unhappy and unfulfilled.

She got upset with both of us–feeling bad that he had experienced her like that, and saying I made her sound like she’d had affairs!

For the record, she didn’t, and I knew that, she was trying too hard to control everything, and make it perfect. But a whole picture took two days and three hours of talking to put all the pieces in the right gestalt.

Suddenly it came clear–he was the only friend of her ex-husband that she didn’t like, and didn’t want him hanging out with. She thought he was a bad influence, so she didn’t give him the time of day. Wouldn’t even get up or acknowledge him! That would have been consistent with who she was then. (Happily, not anymore.)

How funny that four years later, she thinks he is the only man in the world. Once she got to know him she began to see that he was much more than she’d thought. In fact, they are a lot alike–God is central in his life as well as hers and obviously brought them together. It’s quite a story, and I can just imagine God smiling.

I think he loves to delight us with surprises. And blow our minds over how much we don’t know! Ever been surprised by God’s graciousness overturning something you were sure you’d judged correctly? He just wants us to stay close.

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Being Real is Messy

I hate messy!

So why am I a therapist?

That’s different. I’m good at professionally helping people find themselves and fix their issues.

But I don’t like it when my kids are messy, or my friends are messy. They don’t come to me asking for help. They don’t show me their vulnerability. They want me to think they have it all together. Shoot, they don’t even know they have issues! Don’t even know…

And yet I’m called to love them.

How? How do I do this?

Do I have to just trust them? Like what I can like, and love the rest?

Really?

I can’t even tell them what I see?

“No. Not unless they ask.”

God, this is too hard!

This is what You do? Really?

I can’t do this. I don’t want to.

“That is exactly why you have to let me do it for you…and I can…if you let me.”

But I don’t want to.

“But you can choose, and I will do the rest.”

Are You saying I can’t be God in their lives?

“Exactly, you can’t, because you can’t. You just can’t. It makes you uptight and stressed. And it sounds judgmental coming from you–unless you don’t know you are speaking for Me.”

I don’t get it. I don’t know how to love like that.

“You just need to help them see Me by making them feel valued. Choose to value them because I do. I’ll do the rest.”

Does this mean that I believe I can only love perfect people?

“Pretty close.”

I made my daughter believe that she had to be perfect for me to love her, didn’t I?

“You had a lot of help.”

Please forgive me. Tell me the truth, and heal my lie that I can only love perfect people.

“The truth is there are no perfect people for you to love. And yet loving is what makes you like Me. You are learning to let me love you. Now just let me use you to love them.”

Thanks. Please heal my fear of loving and being loved.

“I’d like that; don’t forget it’s a process.”

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Guest Post–Another Message to My Grandsons from Their Mom–this one about Love.

There are really only three.Three things I want you to know about life.. About you.I’ll start at the bottom and work up…

Beauty. Woman. She will get to you someday. You’ll suddenly notice.

And when you do I want you to know what to look for.

It will matter. Really matter.

Look closely. Very closely.

Don’t. ever. settle.

One more time…

Don’t. ever. settle.

There are very few Real women out there. Fewer as the years go by and we lose sight of what matters.

But I’ll tell you what matters.

The very top of the list…

Until He is her everything you will never be enough for her. 

Read it again. It’s true.

Unless she knows that only He sustains every. single. fragment. of her heart you will never be able to carry the weight of it. You weren’t made to.

You were made to be her anchor, her steady. The Gift bound in the privilege of Loving. Unless she can see you as a Gift and not a necessity, love will come hard. Only He can fill a heart and make it whole. We cannot ever truly love apart from Him.

You can try, but all those efforts will run right through her wounded heart. We all have wounds. You will too. Some, no doubt, unfortunately inflicted by my messy humanity. But it’s not our wounds that define us.

It’s what we do with them.

Who we take them to. Only He can speak Truth into shattered hearts and make them whole.

And Healing. Scraping wounds clean. The Refining fire. It’s painful. And most of us never go there. We live numb, surviving lives and try to quiet the heart in our chest longing for more.

Only a Living heart can love.

You cannot selectively numb parts of it. If you kill it, you feel nothing.

So let Him choose her. Listen.

Really Listen.

Look closely. Who is she?

How does she treat others? Her family? Her father?

It really matters.

Are they open? Can they talk and understand and move through conflict with respect? Do they live in a spirit of judgement or grace? 

Is Christ truly her center or some sidebar reference brought out only when needed?

Is she comfortable with who she is? A woman who knows who she is will make you more simply by believing in you.

In the face of struggle does she fling her emotions around looking for a place to land? A woman who know’s Who’s she is will rest in His heart. Stand strong and steady even as the tears spill.

Does she really want to live? To share the Adventure, the Passion, the Wild Grace He spills everywhere? You were made to live a great Adventure. Fight battles for His heart. The only thing that makes that purpose full is truly sharing it.

Is she Beautiful? Yes, I mean that kind. Does she make your heart flutter and swirl? We all like to say it doesn’t matter but it does. That doesn’t mean everyone will see her that way. But He makes every. single. woman. Beautiful and you will find one that speaks His glory to you. In a way that invites you to be more, do more, seek more. 

The way she sees you will make you more.

I have to say it again. The way she looks at you will make you strengthen in your core right there in that moment. Notice it. Feel it.

When you find her. You will want to offer your strength.

And everything in this world will try to tell you you’re not enough. That’s been the lie, the legacy, since the very first lie. The passivity inherited from your very first ancestor.

You must fight for your heart. For hers. You are the Warrior made in the image of the King.

This life is a battle for hearts. And when you find yourself woven into the Gift of a heart that belongs to Him, you fight. To protect it. To strengthen it. To value it.

Love is not need, it is the celebration of a Gift given just to you. 

A Whisper of His Beauty just for you to enjoy. Every breeze, every star, every ray of light, every Breath of Him expands when shared. Cherish it. Celebrate it. Honor it.

And know you are enough.

Real love. His love flowing through her will never diminish you. The woman, the Gift He gives, will always be an invitation to His heart. 

Love with your whole heart. When He whispers, take the leap. And know that everything He gives is always Good.

Trust Him with your heart. Always.







Posted By Loxlia to lovelycrumbs at 5/23/2013 07:16:00 PM

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Filed under Love ed, Loved, Mental Health, Parenting, Respect and disrespect