Tag Archives: “making God real”

Tension Between Old and New/Honor and Dishonor

The tension that comes from unlearning old programming and relearning new patterns can be tricky. Today I was faced with just such a dilemma, who do I honor most? and how do I know which decision is best?

I had been honored. I had reached out to Rob for help with my books a year ago, and he honored me by giving me a ticket to their annual author summit. I was very grateful, but I knew it was partly pitching their promotion program which was way out of my ballpark financially. So when the offer came, I was tempted, but tried to graciously decline by saying they should give the space to someone who could afford their package, because I knew that was the purpose.

Rebecca more graciously said, “No, no, that’s fine. There is a lot you will get from being here; come, we have room.”

Well, I didn’t want to be ungrateful; I really wanted to honor their kindness, but my husband didn’t want me to go. I told him I felt gratitude was in order, and he didn’t agree, but didn’t oppose me. The next day we had a fight, and when I tried to make up, he wasn’t ready. That made it much easier to go to the summit on Friday. And I really enjoyed the first day.

However, Rob shared that the second day a friend of his was coming who was in the movie industry to share the process of getting your book made into a movie. I had planned to skip the second day–figuring they would leave the financial possibilities for the second day and I didn’t really care about that, but now I really wanted to come.  That is my dream–to have my book series made into movies, but I told him thank you and that I wouldn’t be coming tomorrow. I felt ungrateful and unworthy.

The second day of the summit was my sacred space, or Sabbath, which I really guard from intrusion, and typically don’t do ordinary (or marketing) kinds of things. Also, I co-lead a class on my books and my co-leader had asked me to trade weeks with her because she had to help her brother.

I agreed, thinking it was God’s nudge to honor my commitment to Him and His space. But then I begin to wonder. And of course my feelings were pulling me back to the summit.

This  morning I talked to God about it, curled up in His lap. He took me back to Jesus’ Sabbath observance, which was pretty standard except for healing. Can you believe they believed that was breaking the Sabbath! All of a sudden I saw that I could go, and without fear, throw myself into participating and do what He and I had been talking about the day before: putting my light on the stand. (Mark 4) I’d been holding back sharing because of the nature of my series–rewriting the Bible. We had talked about that too! (And had done some healing.)

Suddenly I felt a-tingle with excitement. I could go or stay, either way, and be serenely happy knowing He was leading. Two things had to happen; both were possible, though not probable. I thought of a replacement, but she was sick. My husband could have gone with me, but didn’t want to!

But the best part was, I was happy, and everyone saw it! I even had a new dress which I got many compliments on, but it was, in reality, probably my attitude. The book study was great and I was glad I got to teach the chapter on Cain and Abel.

You can’t go wrong with surrender because God is so good and loves you so sweetly and crazily. And even though I felt like I was dishonoring their kindness and generosity to me, it’s better to honor God first, and he will take care of the rest. (Hacksaw Ridge-need I say more?)











Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Making God Real

I had a client a while back who used to say “I can’t make Him real” every time we talked about God and having a relationship with Him.

I would always answer, “you don’t need to. He is real.”

After some time I got exasperated with her insistence, but I discovered that it was stuck in me. How was I making God real? I prayed to Abba, I read and wrote about Jesus, I talked to Ruach (Holy Spirit), and thanked Him for His presence, but was I making them real? Did I perceive Them as real persons present in my life? Did I really talk to Them or just make demands? Did I listen to Them and take it seriously?

I’m having a retreat at my house this weekend. Last night we sat around a fire sharing miracles. It came to the everyday miracles as the most important. We often can’t tell what God is doing on a grander scale as in someone’s healing and God’s plans to use that or death. But we can see the little things–like my calm and patience taking care of my husband while getting ready for a retreat…God helping me see all the good in that. Or the lack of fear when he fell on Friday and panicked, and I was perfectly calm and unafraid.

I couldn’t figure out why I felt so negative going into the retreat and it really bothered me, until I realized that it was that inflammatory cascade again! I was mad I had missed the special prayer over our associate pastor who is fighting stage four cancer at church (I stayed home with my husband). I heard it was beautiful and powerful. And that allowed my fatigue, irritation with people not showing up,  sleeping through my time with God that morning, and my hurt and confusion over unanswered prayer for friends, and it all started the negativity flowing. So afterwards I was repentant and in total self-disdain.

This morning after five solid hours, He woke me and I felt rested and glad to get up for some extra time with Him. And He showed me that it really is all about trusting His eternal holy love in wild and passionate caring for me. I had a lie stuck in me–a leftover from an unanswered prayer that I didn’t understand until ten years later– What if He doesn’t… This version was What if He doesn’t show up?

That’s crazy because He had planned it, giving me the format and the questions. But what if people didn’t respond? I wanted Him to do something huge. (And of course it’s all about me–even my irritation that the pastor couldn’t come. I said How can you have a leadership retreat without the leader? And He said, “Uh, who is the leader?” Right! Got it! So it’s my not feeling valued!) So, good as He is, He told me the truth and healed it for asking.

Besides that, They outdid Themselves and gave us the perfect day: sunny, blue-skies, and 72 degrees! It was an outdoor event. And we had a Mockingbird, Mourning Dove and others serenading. I love mornings–love having company in the morning. Add some of my favorite people and I was ecstatic!

They even did more! I was hoping for something huge and the associate pastor who was prayed for yesterday, came and stayed four hours! She was able to do my stairs to the gazebo, and eat and keep it down! Evidence of healing.

Then, if that wasn’t enough, he brought the pastor and his wife to share a miracle they had just experienced that confirmed what God was telling us! Wow we were so blessed! All of us!

But I was especially! I felt especially loved!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized