Tag Archives: when you need help

A Love Loan

This isn’t a financial loan from someone who loves you. This is for those times when you are running on a deficit, have nothing to give, or like I was last week–sleep-deprived, had two hours, and a busy day with the kids and grandkids coming.

So I curled up in God’s lap and asked Him for a love loan. I had never even thought of it before, but when I’m tired…love can get thin. It turned out to be a really good day.

And that night I slept only 3 hours, before I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep! Good new is, I didn’t panic. I asked again and had a good day, even the evening was good at a wedding party!

Only God can give a love loan like that!

It makes me think of what I missed last weekend with my other grandkids. The middle one–the wild card–got baptized. He’s only 7, but he wanted to get baptized last year when his older brother did. My daughter thought he was too young and told him to wait.

When she told me about it I just said I’d wanted to get baptized at 8, and they made me wait until I was 9. When their pastor  announced they would be having another, she decided to let him.

He’s gotten himself in some crazy situations since he first asked to be baptized, and I’m wondering if she wasn’t thinking better get the Holy Spirit inside to help him out. I was thinking that, but we hadn’t talked about it. Not that God isn’t always trying to help, but if you have given yourself to Him (Them). They take it seriously. You now belong to Them. Some personalities need it earlier in life than others.

When I saw the pictures and thought about it, I thought baptism is kind of a love loan too. We make a choice and then God takes up residence by breathing Their life, Their energy, Their attitudes, Their love inside us–Father, Son, and Spirit. Of course the Spirit is the one doing the work, but we receive from all three of Them. It’s a loan of Their love until we can grow into our own.

Some of us are just naturally more loving than others. Some of us have more loving temperaments–loving comes easier to these people. Some of us had better models–parental modeling is the strongest influence next to God. And some of us were more open to those around us–we received more love from parents and others.

And some of our parents made better choices and we had better environments. However, evil gets to us here, even if we don’t have as much outside of us, we find it’s inside us. So everyone needs a love loan, and God is always happy to help. Their supply is inexhaustible. But it’s never forced on us. We have to ask.

To learn more about God visit my website http://Godhelps.net–especially the God-in-a-Box Blog. It walks you through Jesus life from a cosmic perspective in one year–from Easter to Easter.

http://Godhelps.net

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Finding Gain through Your Pain

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and saw someone I hadn’t seen in over 25 years. Evidently physical headache pain and emotional pain look the same in the eyes.

I remembered how I used to catch glimpses of my face in unexpected mirrors and be horrified at the anger or fear I saw. I’d think is this what my daughter sees?

Oh God, no! This isn’t what I want her to see as mom, this can’t be comforting!

So when God opened a door for therapy, I jumped at the chance: One of the best decisions of my life. I knew I was uncomfortable and dysfunctional, but had no idea why.

That was 29 years ago. Uncovering the pain was hard work, I’d grown up very good at avoiding it. But it was so much better and easier than carrying it.

I’ve been grateful to catch glimpses of myself in unexpected mirrors the past few years and see a peaceful reflection. I was just as surprised. What a difference.

Don’t let fear block your joy. Most of us carry fear and anger without knowing it, like I did. If you have a chance to sort things out in your head, do it. If you have insurance that covers therapy, get it.

In scripture God asks, “Why will you suffer? Why will you die?” He’s asking because He’s offering life and joy.

We can choose suffering. He will let us. But it’s as if He says to each of us, “I know you need to learn, but do you really need to learn everything the hard way? I’m willing to guide you, just come to Me and ask. You’ll still have hard times. You’ll still have to make choices. But it could be so much easier than what you’re doing.”

Make some good choices today. One of them could be to trust God. He is safe to trust.

As I’ve been saying lately, trade in your pain for joy. Learning how to hang out with God and get His validation is a great place to start. “In His presence is joy…”

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Filed under A God perspective, Becoming real, Joy, Living well, Love ed, Mental Health, suffering, What is God like?

A Perspective on Bullying

Bullies are insecure, scared, people who don’t feel they have power.

For instance, in school children where the news has been focused, bullies may feel scared at home.  Perhaps a parent is a bully, demanding obedience without consideration or listening, acting out his own stress.  If a parent is  loud, harsh and overbearing,  because he is much larger the child is frightened and intimidated. The child feels helpless and so goes to school and finds someone he can wield power over: a younger, smaller child he can intimidate.

Or maybe parental divorce or fighting is causing insecurity.  The child is afraid but has learned either at home or at school that it isn’t OK to express fear or weakness.  So he does what he sees modeled by the adults in his world, he turns his fear, sadness, worry into anger and aggression.

In psychotherapy we call this projection–putting our own feelings on someone else, or displacement–acting out feelings of fear against someone who doesn’t cause fear in us. The point being that we aren’t taught to be OK with our own feelings and work through them, or at least contain them without acting them out.

You can help your children by listening to their feelings, encouraging them to tell you about their day and then really paying attention.  If you treat their feelings with respect and don’t discount them, they will tell you if they are being bullied. Then let the school know, and if they brush you off, let law enforcement know. The bullies need help too.

Of course, the best is to bully-proof your children by making them secure in your love.  Bullies almost never pick on confident, happy children. They go after the kid who is shy, timid, or feels inadequate or bad about himself. Kids who live with disrespect, either towards them or between parents, feel bad.

Don’t be afraid to tell your kids that you love them.  Sometimes we think that is weakness–it isn’t.  Also don’t be afraid to set boundaries and tell them no. This also makes them feel secure.  Kids need to know that someone is in charge, just not disrespectfully. You don’t like to be disrespected either.

Let them know that you will always do your best to keep them safe, that they are adequate–hardwired for struggle–and worth your time and attention. Actually be present with them and LISTEN when you are with them. Let them know that they don’t always have to agree with you, even though they do have to obey, because it is your job to keep them safe.

Kids need rules, but not shame. They don’t need your anger or fear.  Children need love but not permissiveness, thinking they can do whatever they want. They don’t need bullying that pretends to be parenting.  And bullying can also be letting them do whatever they want and giving them everything.

Kids just need you to be you, taking care of you, so you can be strong enough to attend to them wisely. If you (or they) are being treated disrespectfully, set boundaries.  If your boundaries aren’t respected, get help; you are a victim.

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