“I did not wait for apologies or rub his face in it, but instead took charge, in the areas of our life I knew that I was really better at than him.
I said, “We have all become overweight with you cooking, I am taking charge of the shopping and the kitchen and I don’t want you in here when I am cooking unless I ask.”
and if he ignored that and tried to tell me what to do I said firmly and just like I would to the kids …
“Get out of MY kitchen. Dinner will be ready soon.”
“I can’t handle how you yell at the kids, if you want to be the boss go do a parenting course but until then I am in charge in the mornings.”
I would then go ahead (with my best impression of the confident, cheerful and capable nurse I had in my mind) and get in and prove I could do it better. Not to him, just to myself (-:
By exposing the lie in this way a number of very positive things happened for Steve too;
a. There was nothing to discuss or fight about because I just did it and refused to let him interfere.
b. He didn’t have to keep up the act of being good at things he wasn’t.
c. As long as I didn’t look for his praise or approval for what I was doing, my self esteem improved too.
So really Steve loved it as I got good at this and now instead of behaving like a willful teenager he slowly became a useful and trustworthy adult.
At the same time I also gave him credit for things he was good at and said things like …
“You are so talented with numbers, instead of cooking I want to see you get our books caught up. I will keep the kids away from you and make sure you have enough time. Let’s see how fast you can get it all out of the way?”
Of course it took time for me to find this confidence and sometimes I still fell down (and let him put me down) but in the long run it did pay off immensely. Before I was hurt by Steve’s back-seat-driving while I cooked, but now instead with total authority I would tell him to get out of the kitchen and go find something useful to do.
But remember before this could happen I had set some other bigger limits and boundaries too.
Whenever you challenge someone’s authority in this way you need to be very careful and really think out your plan of action first and for this I strongly recommend you read our ebooks. Unless you take this step by step and build boundaries and trust and unless your confidence is real, attempting to take charge too soon can cause some serious fights.
So start to think about it. What is the lie? In your case it will probably be different. Maybe your partner is not really cut out for the job they do. All I know is that if they are stuck in false pride, somewhere in their life there is a lie.”
Way to scary for you? Start with your desire to rise above your situation. That is a good place to begin. Also visit their website, and talk to God about who you really are. If you are a child of the King of the Universe, that makes you special and valuable. No one should treat you like trash. Of course you can’t control others, but you can stop believing it and that will cause you to carry yourself differently as she describes here.