You see, the first step is to question: Am I looking at this right? Is my perception skewed? Does this make sense that I should be treated like this, and our children should watch? Narcissists are wounded people who shut down vulnerability early in life because they are afraid of being unloved or abandoned. They don’t know this and can’t admit it; they usually just bully others. Kim began to ask the hard questions, and answer them honestly.
“What also helped was the image I had in my mind of a very cheerful, confident but strong and kind nurse. Can you get a picture in your mind of what she looks like? The type that is not going to let you get away with saying you don’t want to take your medicine or avoid the injection? Very organized and efficient, very good at her job and very assertive and grown up. I started becoming this nurse when I needed to take charge.
Because after all, if it is our spouse who is abusive there is usually an enormous amount at stake in our life. Was I going to let the bratty teenager in him rip apart all of the security and peace in my life and tear down my self esteem? Was I going to let this part of him destroy our kids lives? No way. I was going to do whatever I had to do to put that brat in his place!”